Friday, August 16, 2013

Birds and Bees

TV and movies tend to distort our views on many things in life, like jobs, love, friendship, waist size, school. Gauging parenting based on TV/Movies has been both limiting and disappointing. It's better and worse than it's portrayed and what is fun is rarely shown. Making a huge mess while baking cookies is cute, cleaning up while you sugar filled Tasmanian devil begs you for another hit of the good stuff is NOT. The best things are when you don't correct words they don't say just right and then the whole family adopts it, like "Fanks" or "Skim-see" (Excuse me) or when they drop their first unsolicited, "I love you" that's the good stuff. I had seen the Birds and Bees talk portrayed in a bunch of different places and I don't think one of them got it right. The best example was in Kindergarten Cop when the kid told everyone at every chance who had what part. I expected one talk in middle school and BOY was I wrong.  So far it has been a long term consistent line of questioning the heightens with each question.

I'll give you my best two examples...

Today in the car on the way to camp unprompted and without context...

4yo:  Does the baby come out of your mouth

Me:  (Thinking Oh shit, well let's see if he'll buy this) no
4yo: Where does it come out of"
Me:  (Dang) uh.... the birth canal
4yo:  Where's the birth canal
Me:  Between the legs
4yo: The baby comes out of your legs?!?
Me:  (You asked for it kid) No, the birth canal is the vagina     which is between your legs and its why girls have a  vagina and boys have a penis
4yo:  (with decreased volume like brought on by shock) Ouch
Me:  (I couldn't hear him cause he's only quiet when I need to hear him) What?
4yo:  Ouch
Me:   Ouch is right...
His silence said, "The Offense rests your honor"
I moved on and kinda laughed because his pregnant camp leader is likely going to get a lil' refresher course in baby delivery.

The 7 year old is very curious and likes to know how things work.  In an innocent move meant to bring quiet, not questions, I bought him a pop up anatomy book. This book has provided a few good moments, "Mom, did you know there is a muscle between the bladder and your wiener that you like loosen up to let the pee out?" (I actually didn't know that) and this one...

He stops me, mid-hallway, a step out of his bedroom 

7yo: Mom can two women have a baby together?

To preface, we had been over this before but with Men, in our state Gay Marriage is legal and he has already been to a wedding of two women.
Me:  (We've been over this sorta, it'll be quick) No, they can't make one together.
7yo: (Jumps in) Right cause neither have sperm cells
2 things... nothing can prepare you for the first time your kid says sperm, nothing, and he knew the answer already, he was just testing me.

None of this was like TV, no one said, "Son" and then put a reassuring hand on a nervous shoulder. No one said, "I am glad we could have this talk." I am happy they can talk to me and I am happy that I've been able to answer all the question so far but I can't promise I am going to be this comfortable when we get to P in V which is pretty much any minute now.


Kat said...

Just wait until they are teens/preteens! When I wanted to sit down with them and have the sex and the "how your bodies are changing" talks, I think that I was more nervous than they were. Unfortunately, at this age, they don't go to you with questions, you actually have to bring it up. "Ouch" is right!

Beingmorethanmommy said...

Penelope and I had this discussion over the summer. Thankfully it ended with her saying "I"m NEVER having a baby!"

SnackMom said...

kat, I can't imagine all that preteen stuff!

That is the desired outcome, hopefully it lasts til her late 20s :)