Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Why is a Potluck so miserable?

So my oldest kid is going to a new school this year and has a Big-Potluck-Party this weekend, "you down with BPP? yea you know me," so that all the new kids can meet friends. I am thankful for the event to ease him into a new situation after only knowing one elementary school and the same set of friends for the last few years. My excitement in hearing about the event turned to dread and then avoidance. I can't stand a potluck...


It's not that I think a host should be totally in charge of all of the food it's just that I put way to much into what to make, "Will it be right? Will people like it? Will I get voted off the island?"

I appreciate parameters at an event like this, A-K brings dessert and L-Z brings side dishes, this way I can eliminate one course from the mental carousel of worry, wild horses, failed lasagnas, and wilty salad attached to gold spiral poles going uuuup an dooown and 'round and 'round while creepy player piano music plays. Unless it's a group of people I've already shown my lack of fancy pants to, "Bring a dish to share," which is the printed on the invite for this weekend, is the scariest thing I can read. I have a hard enough time having people over and while its obvious I should calm down I particularly need some potluck management skills.


It's just that...


I don't really have a "dish" to bring. Everything I pick, I imagine a tan, thin Mom who brought the perfect thing putting the back of her hand to the side of her mouth and telling her tanner, thinner friend something like, well hell, I don't know what two tan, thin Moms who bring the perfect thing say to each other. For new Moms or time of need food delivery, we make a hard to ruin quiche that can be done for vegetarians too but quiche and spray park don't really go together, right? We have a few things that we make at home, yes "WE," but none of those really travel well. I also make a chocolate pie that is out of a vintage Betty Crocker cookbook (wasn't vintage when I ate it as a kid) and we want an excuse to eat it so we pretty much bring that to every thing we go to that requires a dessert. If I had the scratch, I would just buy something to bring, a spread, a tray, a recyclable container that plays harp music and beams white light when opened to display the perfect food.


Eating other people's food is scary. It's not that I am a germaphobe, it's that you can't know that sometimes people put bell peppers in Thanksgiving stuffing until it's in your mouth. Looking down at the pregnant lady portion you took while trying to just make it through the first bite leaves you with quite the predicament, I mean you can't eat around bell peppers, everyone knows that like coconut, bell peppers change a food immediately and permanently. If you leave it, people know you didn't like their food and if that person was someone like me, they'd base their self worth on it. It helps to have married a Thanksgiving food bottomless pit. Eating other people's food is like his favorite thing to do while I have the palette of a cranky toddler.


I don't want another thing to do. I have enough to stress over that the time worrying about what to make, making it, and worrying how it's received keeps me from worrying about my usual things. Like making it to bedtime in one piece, making it through dinner in one piece, naming my Fantasy Football team, keeping the dog from stealing everyone's dinner, lunch, and snacks (Breakfast is my husband's deal,) wondering where my collagen went, "Will another show I can't live without, like Drunk History, pop up after my bed time?," will Trader Joe's discontinue my burritos and so on and so forth.

I just checked, and when I get to the potluck this weekend I will have had exactly 2 months notice, 2 full months to decided what to bring and yet here I am trying to will potlucks to not be a thing instead of just finding an easy thing to bring. The short list is currently, freak people out with a quiche or other. I am leaning towards other...

Wish me luck!



5 comments :

Beingmorethanmommy said...

This is the main reason we didn't go. Too much stress. I hate potlucks.

SnackMom said...

Me too BUT I brought a pizza from Little Cesaers and it was a huge hit! It was the first thing gone, It's my go to now :)

Kendra Larios-Mendez said...

You'll do great. Bring a desert. Everyone likes desert...except a tan thin mom...but she probably doesn't get to eat any which is why shes grumpy. :0)

Rabia Lieber said...

It's hard when you don't have a "signature" dish for your potluck. Or when you're with a new group and you don't know everyone else's signature dish. What if two of you show up with the same thing? It's like wearing the same dress to prom!!

SnackMom said...

In adult 90210, Kelly and Brenda would have brought the same thing! Dessert is always a good option, I am thankful the pizza went over well and I didn't have to do the walk of shame to get my mostly full pyrex of avoided food!